Friday, December 21, 2007

SLAM GETS SENTIMENTAL

Snow, snow, snow EVERYWHERE!! It has snowed like basically every day. Yesterday I had to shovel the path to the house twice. I am not sure how much snow we have exactly, but to give you an idea I can only see the very top of the handlebars on my son’s bike. I actually think that it is pretty awesome. We have not had much snow the past couple of years so it is nice to have snow taking over. It also helps that our friend is plowing our driveway for us. In previous years we were too poor to afford plowing all the time so we would get stuck in the driveway 24/7. At nighttime Gideon and I go sledding on this cool path we made that goes from the side of the house to the back. It is downhill and all twisty and turny. I take my round sled and start going down backwards and twirl all around. It is a blast. Christmas will soon be here and I look forward to it. When I was younger I use to dread Christmas because I was in California and my family was in Maine. Christmas alone sucks. Although, I did have a blast the year I went to Tahoe with Nicole and chilled with her fam. That was a friggin’ blast. That year I was working for FAO Schwartz and I gave her brother a huge stuffed teddy bear about as big as him, and an oversized bouncy Balzac Ball. Now that was definitely a white Christmas filled with elves dancing in the street. Anywho, this Christmas will be quite a different one. My son is now old enough to get super excited about presents. He tears through them like crazy. I like presents too, so I bought myself one just in case I don’t get anything good. I ordered this sweet ass jacket thingy from this store called Dog Funk. If you haven’t been there before check out the website: http://www.dogfunk.com/. Killer skate and snowboard gear. So, my friends, I will leave you with my Christmas present to you. These are the lyrics to the new title of my blog. You didn't think I made up that brilliance on my own did you? The group is The Blow and the song is Come On Petunia. I love these guys.

Every little thing she does is magic. every thing she does just turns me on. even though my life before was tragic, now i know my love for her goes on."come on petunia", you thought in your head, "it would all be so easy if you could be led to the cave where i hide you in linens and frames, and in new combinations i've made of our names. it's a tiny hole, yeah, but you'd fit if i sliced you up wee itty bitty, i'd sliver and splice you and then you could be many, and i'd be the one who was privy to love you and show you the fun."Jamie stood on his stoop, and he challenged his homies to go get some girlfriends and locate their yonis. the waters were parting and times getting heated. the boys needed friendship, the beat needed meeted. unh unh. her dress was a ship at sail. unh. her knees were the water pail. this was survival and she was the kit. you could die of thirst if the girls won't give you sips.You're all jenny and lindsey and fine and i'm underwater, shedding my mind. and i'm pretty sure baby if you'd hold my head i could live like i've wished for and undo my dread, because, i see candygrams up in the ceiling tiles, witty postcards sent off from the sandwich isles. in these towns where vacations will lead us, i'll hold out my treasures and their wealth will feed us. but, oh, she does as she wishes, and no, she won't be your missus. you kingdom it widens and you're there alone with all that love, and the void on your throne.

Friday, December 7, 2007

WINTER BLUES

It is not even Winter yet and I already have the blues. I feel like I've been cut off from society ever since I started working from home. This 2 month break from Derby is killing me. I am about to become one with my chair since my butt has not moved in days. For those of you without children: Enjoy it while you can. You will never have time to yourself again. At least not until your child starts school anyway. I miss getting drunk during the day and wishing I had something to do. I miss burning the Thanksgiving Turkey because my friends and I were so high we forgot about it. Don't get me wrong, I LOOOOOVE being a Mom, it is the most awesome gift I have ever been given. I am just saying, enjoy your freedom now my friends. I wish I could afford a Nannie. I would be like, "I'm going shopping now Nannie, see you in two hours" or "We're going out with our friends Nannie, see you in the morning". All the Moms feel me on this, I know it. For some reason we ended up with parents who never want to babysit. DAMMIT!!

At least we actually have snow outside this year. It will be a white Christmas after all. I hate it when it's cold but there is no snow. What a drag. Well my friends, I have to get to my crappy job. LOVE YOU ALL AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS......yada, yada, yada.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

LOOK WHAT I CAN DO..BE AN IDIOT..


GOOD TIMES......

Hello My Friends,
I am sooooo sorry that I have not posted in forever. Both of my boys had birthdays and I have been busy with that stuff. In case ya'll wonder why I hardly talk about my fam, it's because I don't want Web psychos knowing shit about them. That means you!! Just kidding. But for realz. Anyone can access this so I'd rather email those updates and pics. But don't worry, I have PLENTY to talk about.
I went to a Halloween party at my girl Hannah's house and it was a blast. I hadn't been to a really killer house party in a minute. I ran into some folks I hadn't seen in a while and met some new crazy people. Above is a pic of these two loced out dudes. One looks like Reno 911 short shorts guy and the other looks like a white ODB. Who the hell knows. Guys were hitting on me all night even though I repeatedly mentioned by Husband in conversation. It was kinda cool to know I still got it but you know, I'm a good wifey.
For the Hubby's B-Day we went to Boston to see the Wicked Pissas' Derby Girls play. My team rented a bus nicknamed "the drunk bus" because we could drink on it. DUH!! The bus left at 3:30pm and after that all hell broke loose. Everyone was drinking before we even left the lot. By the time we got to Boston I was drunk and didn't even know it. I have to say I felt like a teenager skipping school. I was so friggin excited. Mom Bomb had a minnie keg, Punchy had a bottle of McGillicuties, A-Block had a huge Dunkin Donuts cup filled with Vodka, and I had champagne. Somehow I ended up the most wasted of everyone and ended up rolling on the floor. Mom Bomb had to tell Gideon to take me outside because I almost knocked over the DJ's turntables at the afterparty. After that I sent myself to the drunk bus because I that's were I belonged. It's all good though because I really did have so much fun!! I know it seems like I must party a lot but really, I don't usually, at least not now anyway. We have a two month break from Roller Derby and I think I have a little bit of steam to blow off. Come January I'm gonna have to simma down and start skating my ass off again. Anyone who knows me knows how I do.
I love you all!!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

PEOPLE I LOVE

An ode to my darling Buttersnatch Sundae. You really have no idea how much I love you and how much I am going to miss you. I HATE that I always have to say goodbye to the people I love the most. Buttersnatch, I hope you know how completely awesome you are. You friggin' crack me up. I absolutely adore you quirky ways and wish I could keep you all to myself. I want you to know how much I appreciate all of your support. You have been there for me since the first day I joined MRD. Remember the day I was crying because I sucked so bad and you told me that you were there for me if I needed you? I wish I had taken you up on that offer now. I feel regret that we did not get to become closer. You know you never really appreciate people, places or whatever, until they're gone. I hope that your future is all you hope for. I hope to see your name in lights one day and tell my friends "I totally know her". Promise me you will keep in touch and tell me a story about you life. I love you derby SISTA.

XOXOXO
SLAM

Thursday, October 18, 2007

SWITCHBLADE SISTERS REVIEW

If you have not seen this movie you are seriously missing out. I saw it a long time ago. I don't remember who I watched it with or when, although I'm assuming it was probably one of my gay friends since they would appreciate it the most. This friggin' movie is one of the most hilarious, campy, totally kick ass girl movies ever. It was directed by Jack Hill who, for those who do not know, is one of Quentin Tarantino's inspirations, and also director of such classics as Foxy Brown. The movie was originally released in 1975 and then re-released in 1996 by Quentin's Rolling Thunder Pictures.

The movie starts out with our protagonist, Lace, and her all girl gang, The Dagger Debs, attacking the Repo Man in an elevator after he tries to take Lace's Mom's TV. The movie continues in much the same fashion with lots of killer knife fights and lesbian juvie guards. The acting is absolutely to die for. Lace, played by Robbie Lee, is the Innocent faced bad girl. Every word she speaks is through clutched teeth and spit out with disdain. All the players overact so much that the comedic value would be lost by few. I was surprised to realize that one of the guys from the guy gang, The Silver Daggers, plays Donna's Dad on That 70's Show. He didn't even have a fro and looked aight back then. This 70's style of gang bangers and and Black Panther wannabes totally captures something that movies today have lost. Everyone takes themselves so seriously now, albeit, Tarantino has tried to re-capture this black humor in films such a Reservoir Dogs and Jackie Brown.

Look, the bottom line is this, I am not a friggin' movie reviewer but this film will stay with you. So you better watch it or I'll shank your ass. Ok, I don't even really know what that means but you get the point.

"So easy to kill, so hard to love." -The Switchblade Sisters

Friday, October 12, 2007

MY BRUISED BUM


Oh my, oh my, my bum diddly bum. I was at our last bout hanging outside with Maulie McKillem and she was telling me about a bruise she had on her butt. Like an idiot, I say, "I haven't had a butt bruise in a while. I think my butt must have calloused up". Then, of course, the very same day I fall flat on my ass while skating around like a mad woman selling raffle tickets. I didn't really realize how bad it was until I decided to take a peak. OMG!!! This friggin' bruise takes up my entire right butt cheek. I have never seen anything like it in my life. And it hurts so much. I have to sit at a desk all day for work and I just don't know what to do with the butt cheek. I readjust the pillow, move my butt around, change positions, cry....This was a week ago and it still kills. I think Maulie put a curse on me. Damn her.


In more exciting news, I finally got my new skates and I LOVE THE SHIT OUTTA THEM!!! You have no idea. I almost kissed the UPS guy when he showed up. I did kiss my skates though, And so did Slamito. He cried when I tried to take them away from him. When I gave him my old skates to play with he was totally not interested. Who can blame him? Right before I got my new fabulous skates, I was skating at the crappy Westbrook outdoor rink and my friggin' truck just popped right out of my skate. I could not believe it. I was like, this is just not supposed to happen. GEEZ!!
Well, I am out. Just so ya know, that is not my butt up there. I took a picture with my cell phone but can't figure out how to upload pics. But that is what mine looks like but worse. Until next time. VLS XOXOXO