THE CHALLENGE:Wake up with a hangover but nothing some greasy food and a cup of coffee can't handle. My teammates and I are suppose to meet at the coffee shop at 10:30a so that is perfect. I get to the coffee shop and no fucking greasy food, just muffins and shit. Damn, plan foiled. The majority of my team is already there and we pretty much stare into space until eventually we decide to talk strategy. Lesson #1: Every league does things differently. I have my ideas and everyone else has theirs. Although I am the Captain I am too tired to argue. It's just for fun, one girl says, we'll just figure it out as we go, chimes in another. Keep in mind, we have NEVER skated together before and although the "Birth Control Betties" claim to be a thrown together group of girls from Denver's Oil City, I know that will not be the case. I prepare for the worst and nurse my hangover with some nasty coffee. Alright ladies, let's do this. We head for the shuttle stop and I watch Mel Practice roll around in the dirt. I already love this girl. She is so fuckin' "I don't give a shit". My type a chick. And, she's a clown for a living. I so hate clowns but that IS dope. Anyway, the double decker bus pulls up and we all load on. Driving through Vegas on a double decker bus is definitely the way to go. Soon enough we pull up to the indoor hockey arena and head inside. Oh God, I feel like I need to shit or puke. I smoke a butt in hopes of bringing on whatever is coming but nothing helps. So I head for the water machine (THANK GOD) gets tons of water and start pounding it until my lips no longer stick together and I can swallow without chocking on my tongue.
As soon as I see our opponents and their bench coach I'm like, Oh fuck. These girls are huge. We quickly recruit or own bench coach and I thank the lord for Sadistic Sadie of the Cincinnati Ohio Roller Girls. She jams with the best of them and doesn't even want help from our blockers. We all jam at some point but she scores the most points. I have never seen girls play like Oil City. I get an elbow to the lip and it splits open. Mel Practice has the entire left side of her face swollen. Those who shall remain unmentioned spend the majority of the bout in the penalty box but when she is released her elbows are EVERYWHERE!! I have never been so angry playing roller derby. I really want to kick some ass and later that night when I saw one of the Refs out drinking I corner her and I'm all "what the fuck"? She responds with, I'm new, I don't really know. According to WFTDA 4 majors or 5 trips to the penalty box, per period, for a two period game are considered ecxessive and exsessive penalities result in expulsion. Now I know this was all for fun, but shit!! We only played for 30 minutes and she was in the box more than 5 times. Meanwhile we're getting our faces smashed in. Anyway, moving on.
I go back to my room and take a nap after picking up some Merch. I don't get too much. My best purchase is 4 issues of Blood and Thunder and some frilly pink panties. Ya never know when you'll need frilly pink panties and since my new league's colors are pink it seems like a good idea. Well I wake up from napping like three hours later, look at my watch and almost shit myself. FUCK!! How could I sleep so long. My BFF Nicole is going to be here any second. I jump up at the same moment my phone rings, "Mamas? I'm here".
From here it all becomes a blur. Let me just say that we lost the camera from that night, woke up with new tattoos and there was some spin the bottle and tittie action in there somewhere. It's just like they say "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas". Until those pictures end up on the internet.
Personal Disclaimer: I think the worst thing I did was trying to teach the bartender how to do the Plank in a very tight pencil skirt. I cannot speak for those who will remain unmentioned.
