LOOK WHAT I CAN DO..BE AN IDIOT..

GOOD TIMES......

Hello My Friends,

I am sooooo sorry that I have not posted in forever. Both of my boys had birthdays and I have been busy with that stuff. In case ya'll wonder why I hardly talk about my fam, it's because I don't want Web psychos knowing shit about them. That means you!! Just kidding. But for realz. Anyone can access this so I'd rather email those updates and pics. But don't worry, I have PLENTY to talk about.

I went to a Halloween party at my girl Hannah's house and it was a blast. I hadn't been to a really killer house party in a minute. I ran into some folks I hadn't seen in a while and met some new crazy people. Above is a pic of these two loced out dudes. One looks like Reno 911 short shorts guy and the other looks like a white ODB. Who the hell knows. Guys were hitting on me all night even though I repeatedly mentioned by Husband in conversation. It was kinda cool to know I still got it but you know, I'm a good wifey.

For the Hubby's B-Day we went to Boston to see the Wicked Pissas' Derby Girls play. My team rented a bus nicknamed "the drunk bus" because we could drink on it. DUH!! The bus left at 3:30pm and after that all hell broke loose. Everyone was drinking before we even left the lot. By the time we got to Boston I was drunk and didn't even know it. I have to say I felt like a teenager skipping school. I was so friggin excited. Mom Bomb had a minnie keg, Punchy had a bottle of McGillicuties, A-Block had a huge Dunkin Donuts cup filled with Vodka, and I had champagne. Somehow I ended up the most wasted of everyone and ended up rolling on the floor. Mom Bomb had to tell Gideon to take me outside because I almost knocked over the DJ's turntables at the afterparty. After that I sent myself to the drunk bus because I that's were I belonged. It's all good though because I really did have so much fun!! I know it seems like I must party a lot but really, I don't usually, at least not now anyway. We have a two month break from Roller Derby and I think I have a little bit of steam to blow off. Come January I'm gonna have to simma down and start skating my ass off again. Anyone who knows me knows how I do.

I love you all!!

PEOPLE I LOVE

An ode to my darling Buttersnatch Sundae. You really have no idea how much I love you and how much I am going to miss you. I HATE that I always have to say goodbye to the people I love the most. Buttersnatch, I hope you know how completely awesome you are. You friggin' crack me up. I absolutely adore you quirky ways and wish I could keep you all to myself. I want you to know how much I appreciate all of your support. You have been there for me since the first day I joined MRD. Remember the day I was crying because I sucked so bad and you told me that you were there for me if I needed you? I wish I had taken you up on that offer now. I feel regret that we did not get to become closer. You know you never really appreciate people, places or whatever, until they're gone. I hope that your future is all you hope for. I hope to see your name in lights one day and tell my friends "I totally know her". Promise me you will keep in touch and tell me a story about you life. I love you derby SISTA.

XOXOXO
SLAM

SWITCHBLADE SISTERS REVIEW

If you have not seen this movie you are seriously missing out. I saw it a long time ago. I don't remember who I watched it with or when, although I'm assuming it was probably one of my gay friends since they would appreciate it the most. This friggin' movie is one of the most hilarious, campy, totally kick ass girl movies ever. It was directed by Jack Hill who, for those who do not know, is one of Quentin Tarantino's inspirations, and also director of such classics as Foxy Brown. The movie was originally released in 1975 and then re-released in 1996 by Quentin's Rolling Thunder Pictures.

The movie starts out with our protagonist, Lace, and her all girl gang, The Dagger Debs, attacking the Repo Man in an elevator after he tries to take Lace's Mom's TV. The movie continues in much the same fashion with lots of killer knife fights and lesbian juvie guards. The acting is absolutely to die for. Lace, played by Robbie Lee, is the Innocent faced bad girl. Every word she speaks is through clutched teeth and spit out with disdain. All the players overact so much that the comedic value would be lost by few. I was surprised to realize that one of the guys from the guy gang, The Silver Daggers, plays Donna's Dad on That 70's Show. He didn't even have a fro and looked aight back then. This 70's style of gang bangers and and Black Panther wannabes totally captures something that movies today have lost. Everyone takes themselves so seriously now, albeit, Tarantino has tried to re-capture this black humor in films such a Reservoir Dogs and Jackie Brown.

Look, the bottom line is this, I am not a friggin' movie reviewer but this film will stay with you. So you better watch it or I'll shank your ass. Ok, I don't even really know what that means but you get the point.

"So easy to kill, so hard to love." -The Switchblade Sisters

MY BRUISED BUM

Oh my, oh my, my bum diddly bum. I was at our last bout hanging outside with Maulie McKillem and she was telling me about a bruise she had on her butt. Like an idiot, I say, "I haven't had a butt bruise in a while. I think my butt must have calloused up". Then, of course, the very same day I fall flat on my ass while skating around like a mad woman selling raffle tickets. I didn't really realize how bad it was until I decided to take a peak. OMG!!! This friggin' bruise takes up my entire right butt cheek. I have never seen anything like it in my life. And it hurts so much. I have to sit at a desk all day for work and I just don't know what to do with the butt cheek. I readjust the pillow, move my butt around, change positions, cry....This was a week ago and it still kills. I think Maulie put a curse on me. Damn her.

In more exciting news, I finally got my new skates and I LOVE THE SHIT OUTTA THEM!!! You have no idea. I almost kissed the UPS guy when he showed up. I did kiss my skates though, And so did Slamito. He cried when I tried to take them away from him. When I gave him my old skates to play with he was totally not interested. Who can blame him? Right before I got my new fabulous skates, I was skating at the crappy Westbrook outdoor rink and my friggin' truck just popped right out of my skate. I could not believe it. I was like, this is just not supposed to happen. GEEZ!!

Well, I am out. Just so ya know, that is not my butt up there. I took a picture with my cell phone but can't figure out how to upload pics. But that is what mine looks like but worse. Until next time. VLS XOXOXO

PEOPLE I LOVE & A LITTLE HUMOR

This shout out goes to my homegirl "BEKKA THE SUPASTAR". Your time has come. If you ever should meet Bekka run really fast. She is a homewrecker and a super SLUT!! Just kidding (maybe). Bekka claims to be my BFF but then doesn't even decorate my cubicle for my birthday. WTF!! I still love you though. The reasons why
I love BEKKA are:

she's funny
she's crazy
she makes awesome sweet stuff
she's rad!!
she knows what's up (wink, wink)
she's got mad skillz

In other Bekka news we have a little something special from her Mom. Now I have not met the woman, although I have heard many stories. Anywho, Bekka's Mom has left her in charge of the trailer while she is out of town and left the following to do (and not to do) list for her:

Rebecca:
Here's a list of chores to do!!!!
1. turn my mattress over --- my bed will be stripped.
2. make sure small window is opened when showering.
3. dry your own towels.
4. wash and dry all your dishes .
5. rake leaves or use the leaf blower.
6. make sure the cats have cleaned water in their container in bathroom.
the water must come from the water bottles.
7. make sure you feed them and tend to their needs.
8. please get daily paper out of the paper box.
9. pick up mail on friday and saturday.
10. keep my mobile home in good order.

Also, a delivery of shingles and supplies will be coming on friday. They are going to put near the trailer.
No wild parties. I assumed your boyfriend would be over. It is okay except for sex in my mobile home. Mom

PEOPLE I LOVE

Mama Mia!!! I cannot believe you are leaving me. You know it's all about me? You were my first real derby friend. During my times of self doubt and frustration you were there for me and you pushed me. I seriously do not think I could have come this far without you. I know Chantel, Tink and I will probably miss you the most. I promise to be good to your derby wife since she is all alone now.
You are such an amazing person and so different from anyone I've ever met. Your hubby is lucky to have you and I'm sure you're lucky to have him too. I know living the military life can be hard on a person. My brother and his family struggle with it too. My hope is that the NC Rogue Roller Girls accept you with open arms and you became a wicked famous skater and one day I get to Bout against you and you hit me so hard you knock me out and then we go out and get really drunk!!! F-in right!! I will leave it at that. No good-byes, just see ya later.