MEN ARE SLOW

So sorry I didn't write yesterday. I ended up going home sick and slept for hours. I still feel yucky. I think it has something to do with the weather going back and forth. I thought of calling out today but I only have like 2 days of PTO left, which I should probably save. With that said, I would like to discuss men and fires. Last week we had a party, as I mentioned in a previous post. It was pretty cool. I would say about 20 people showed up. My husband decided to make a fire pit in the back yard so he could burn shit, of course. So when my friend shows up with her 11yr. old daughter, she is the first one wanting to start a big fire. She is such a tomboy. A cute one though. It all starts out tamely enough. They throw some pallets on the fire and random pieces of wood. As the evening progresses the pieces of wood get bigger and bigger. This seems to coincide with the alcohol consumption, strangely enough. Then they start going out into the woods and finding fallen trees the size of telephone poles and throwing them on the fire. At this point I am getting rather concerned and pull my husband aside to tell him to chill out on the fire action. Of course he's drunk so he doesn't see any problem. Then my friend Melissa comes up to me and whispers that she heard rumblings of getting the chainsaw. OK, so now I'm getting really worried. Pretty soon they'll start cutting up the furniture to throw in the fire. Again, I pull my husband aside and beg him not to let the chainsaw come out. He assures me that will not happen. All his friends are eggin' him on and saying it won't be a problem. Then they come up with the bright idea to get an axe. All I can think of is my husband chopping off a limb. Good thing we got that Accidental Death and Dismemberment Insurance. But still, he would be whining 24/7 if he lost a limb, so I probably should put a stop to this too. But no, he will have none of it. He takes out the axe and throws a few wobbly swings. Ok, time to step in. I declare that the only one who can use the axe is his friend who quite drinking. And of course to prove his manliness he takes the axe from my husband and swings and swings until he cuts up the huge tree. I express my happiness with his sobriety and how great it is to have a sober person on hand. He disagrees as he rubs his shoulder. The fire grows and grows along with my stress. I decide to go inside with my friend Bekka and eat bean salad.

Afterward

The house still stands. The field did not burn down. Hangovers prevailed.